teenagers

One of the most rewarding parts of my job is helping a teenager go from “whatever-itis” to discovering that real life is actually worth living.  Young people are already dealing with a host of internal struggles that require an ever increasing ability to cope with reality.  Whatever removes them from accepting and confronting real life hinders their psychological growth, and automatically sets them up for future anxiety, panic, depression, and so on.  Reality will always stare them in the face at the end of the day, no matter how hard they try to escape it.

The developing brain is a remarkable machine that is constantly pruning itself and sharpening its corners. Without this constant “brainscaping” the neurological grass will always be messy, cluttered, and confused.  The childhood and teenage years are crucial in terms of input from outside.  The avenues of the mind need to be constantly guarded for the neurons to create a psychological work of art that will strengthen the person as the years roll on.  If those years are wasted in toxic activities, such as playing too much videogames, the results can be devastating.  The addictive nature of certain games will create a dependency that may follow the person throughout life, event though the object of the addiction may change.

In talking to some of my younger clients, I have noticed a scary “I don’t care” attitude to almost any activity that doesn’t involve a certain stimulus.  In this case, videogames.  To be more specific, the game Fortnite has been vacuuming teenagers’ minds with a force that is akin to the strongest illicit drugs you can think of.  Fortnite is a third-person shooter game that is creating an itch and scratching it at the same time.  It attracts the young masses because it’s free to play, but once they are hooked, they need to constantly purchase new upgrades in order for the “fun” to continue.  An effective marketing strategy to say the least.  If you take a quick internet look you’ll notice that parents are losing battles left and right with their kids over this game, let alone the marriages that are being dissolved.  It is a poisonous arrow that was aimed at our kids and pierced their skill with pinpoint accuracy.

Millions of children and teenagers across the world are in bed with Fortnite, and don’t you dare tell them to stop! If you remove their drug, be prepared for the withdrawal guilt-trips, threats, rage, tantrums, self-harming behaviors, insomnia, irritability, and unfortunately even suicidal ideation.  The more they play, the stronger the relationship; the obsession is such that, for some, life is just not worth living without Fortnite.

What can you do about it?

1. Understand that the world does not care about your children’s happiness.  They see your kids as consumers and easy targets.  There are no morals and values in the entertainment world.  Their god is money, and they will gladly sacrifice your children on their alters.
2. Educate yourself on your child’s world.  It may sound like a waste of time to learn about stupid addicting games, but if they’re eating your children, the least you can do is familiarize yourself with the monster.
3. Educate your children.  Explain to them why certain games are not healthy and are not allowed in the home.  Stand your ground.  Don’t succumb to manipulative tactics kids use to shame you into giving in.
4. Admit that you’re dealing with an addiction.  Addicted individuals are really good at doing and saying whatever is needed to keep the addiction alive, even pretending to go along with your plan for a while.
5. Gradually replace the addictive substance with something else.  It could be a board game, joining a soccer league, hiking, scouts, puzzle, fishing, drawing, playing an instrument, table tennis, etc.
6. Make time to be with your kids.  I know you have a job and schedules are tight.  But ask yourself this: Do you prefer having “that” car, living in “that” house, taking “that” trip and losing your child; or do you prefer having a simpler life and giving your child his or her parents back?
7.  Screens are not babysitters.
8. Work with your children and for your children in expanding their social circle.  By social, I don’t mean social networks.  I’m still trying to figure out what’s so “social” about that.  From after school activities, to joining a church, to horseback riding, you can find something to help you kids enjoy the real world and real relationships.
9. Spending money on quality activities with your children is not wasted money, it’s an investment.  Wasted money is buying a video-game.
10. Gaming is not a coping skill.  There are therapists out there who will insist that video-games are effective “coping skills” to help you child “feel better.”  Gaming will make your child’s tantrum go away the same way snorting coke will.

Chances are you have tried some of these strategies.  It takes time.  Getting professional help may also be a good idea, depending on the history, and whether or not your child already has some mood issues to deal with.  Remember that you need to be the voice of reason for your children.  As a parent, your primary job is not to make your children “like” you, it’s to discipline them with love and firmness so as to ensure they reach their potential.